I know, it’s been a while since my last blog post. Again, that sounds like a confession. Usually, I need something to inspire me to write. When that bug hits me, I can bust it out in minutes. So bear with me on this one because this sucker flowed out of me, ladies!
I felt compelled to share as I think it not only helped me but can help other women who experienced or are experiencing a similar situation. Maybe you jumped into something with someone too fast because of a feeling. You got carried away and didn’t think it through because all signs pointed to yes. Then you inevitably got hurt feelings for something out of your control. I’m here to say, stay strong. Do whatever it takes to take care of you. I don’t hide, I face it, and I move on. It stings…but my heart is still beating and I have so much to be grateful for in this life and opportunities coming my way. I’ve been told I’m resilient, and maybe that is part of it. It’s not by choice but it’s become part of me. My guard fell down and I’m just letting this reveal itself as it is meant to unfold. So here goes nothing…
I rushed it a little and that is on me. But you see…
I believed you when you held me in your arms as if I was the only one who could make it okay.
I wanted to believe it was real because there was no urge to run away.
I believed you when you said you weren’t going anywhere.
That all changed when you clicked send and your anywhere became nowhere.
It was early, yes, but there was a beautiful connection
of bountiful proportions and so much promise. Or, so I thought.
When I saw it, that obvious, black elastic hair tie, that wasn’t mine,
I wanted you to say it’s been over with her for some time.
My heart sank a little when the realization set in, there was an “other” woman in your bed.
Please someone get that visual out of my head.
Was she your weekend excuse? Is she your commitment and me your convenience?
I’m no ones second choice and deserve some benevolence.
Who are you? And where is this place?
Regardless, I choose love over tears and that, is my saving grace.
You brought passion out of me I didn’t know I had. Or was it me living out
a fantasy and concocting, unrealistic dreams in my brain?
All I can do now is put you in my overflowing archive,
thank you for the brief affair, and move on again.
For a second I felt alive and as if love, pride,
being loved and cared for by a man was a possibility and not a fable.
That there is a chance it is still out there for me and is ample.
That small, piece of black elastic I found on your floor,
reminded me that in a split second life can turn bliss into loneliness and sour.
Your response to the question came off so sayable, so cold.
The thoughts of being alone in the foreseeable distance,
once again front and center as if carved in stone.
The thought of you with her is hard to bear
and all I see is you pulling that band from her abundant, dark hair.
Damn! Why is it so clear? And are you thinking of me or only of her?
Like that rubber-band, I will stretch far before I break
and will love myself through this unfortunate mistake.
I forgive as there is no point in harboring this any longer.
This kind of pain is just unnecessary fodder.
My hope may be temporarily clouded,
but I am optimistic that it will come back relentlessly unguarded.
I will miss the idea of it all, and the potential
of laughing through this life journey walking in the sand.
If it wasn’t for that fucking rubber band.