Going through a break up is never easy for the person who cares more. When you care about someone, and they stop caring about you, regardless of how long you knew them, it can be crushing. But the truth is no matter how hard it seems right now; it’s for the best. You should never be made to feel undervalued or unwanted.
This is about to get very personal but I don’t care. I was dumped two days after my birthday while on vacation. Ouch! I got my hopes up. I realize that now. However, I am not ashamed or apologetic for being willing to jump in with both feet. It didn’t work out. I’m still processing it all and that’s okay. I’m a little bruised but not broken. I don’t regret putting myself out there. One of my dear, male friends said to me, “At least you know you can care for someone else. Otherwise, it wouldn’t hurt so much. Give yourself a break.” So for anyone out there going through a similar situation, I say the same thing, at least you know you can care about someone else so give yourself a break.
Here are ten tips that I am finding useful at this time.
- Cry it out. It is a loss, and it’s okay to mourn it. Depending on your level of heartbreak, you are allowed to have a few or more ugly cries. Let it out. It beats holding it in and making yourself sick.
- Curse the day he was born. Get angry. Scream! Slam a few doors. Call him a bastard for wasting your time or whatever profanity comes to mind. You are allowed but just don’t get too carried away.
- Lean on your friends and family. They will support you. I know my peeps are an amazing support system. They know me. They know I’m a sentimentalist, overly sensitive at times, humble, kind, silly, self-deprecating, loving, not a vengeful person, and smart when I need to be. They have all circled me to show support and love for me. It does not necessarily get rid of the hurt felt after rejection. It does make it more bearable knowing they are there and they care.
- Treat yourself to “a you day.” A spa day. Mani/Pedi always makes me feel better. A few bottles of wine can also do the trick. Kidding! A bottle will more than suffice. Start a project. Work out. Just keep busy. Idle minds…
- Don’t dwell. Get over it and move on and give yourself some time. Process it, come to terms that it was truly for the best. You will have bouts of sadness where “what could have beens” hit you. And that’s okay. See tip #1 — ugly cry it out. And throw in a bit of tip #2. It’s okay to wash and repeat those two steps as often as you need.
- Don’t give in or compromise who you are. If he suggests you be friends but you are not ready, that’s okay. You don’t need to kowtow to his needs, so he feels better about the situation. Don’t you want to ask what being friends really means? Will you go to a ball game together, play poker, or swap dating stories? Really, what is it?
- Don’t defend his actions. “He’s just not ready.” “He is going through a lot right now.” “He is not a bad guy.” All could be true, but he also hurt you or worse, broke your heart. Your defense should be to protect yourself first. You should care more about your wellbeing.
- Don’t let this rejection define you. Bad timing, not over the ex, loss that lovin’ feeling, or the wrong person. Whatever the case may be, you put yourself out there. Kudos to you. You cared or possibly loved another human being. That is a courageous and beautiful thing. There are no rules here. You are not a lesser person because someone else did not grasp how incredible you are. You know who you are and what you have to offer. Let ’em go. There is a reason for everything!
- Don’t go backward. Past loves/relationships are in the past for a reason. Some of them will resurface from time to time. That’s okay. But you deserve better. Know that and move forward. Don’t hold onto unhealthy relationships because of what could have been. They are called a break up for a reason.
- Don’t give up hope. Easier said than done when you feel rejected and deflated. Protect yourself but don’t lose your zest for life. It is not worth it! Let’s face it, dating sucks! Losing sleep over a break up also sucks! Being with the wrong person no matter how great you thought you were together or could be together is much worse. Give yourself a pat on the back for getting out there in the first place. It is okay to take a break, okay to find a “Mr. Right Now” and okay to get back out there and try again. Whatever track you choose and however you feel right now, it is okay. It’s not okay for you to hope he will turn around and realize what he lost. Life is too short to be with someone who does not value you and what you have to offer every freaking day!!
Soon this will all be a distant memory. Have faith that the right situation and person is out there. It’s a new year with fresh beginnings. Happy 2017 everyone! Love and hugs!