I’m such a fan of strong women and impressed by how so many carry the majority of the load and keep it all together. I admire women who are in solid relationships, who maintain balance, make time for themselves and enjoy life.
It’s not an easy feat to balance career, family and everything life throws in our path. I have many wonderful, female friends who are queens of balancing. Some of these ladies are successful business women, and some are stay-at-home moms. Some are single moms who have little to no financial or emotional support from their exes, some are happily single, and a number of them have a stable and loving partner.
I love my married friends, but this post is for my unmarried ladies out there. Dating or being in a relationship can be easy or difficult. It doesn’t always have to be hard but, unfortunately, easy doesn’t always come easy for a load of us. We women come in all shapes and sizes, various beliefs, mindsets and backgrounds. No wonder single men want to date the lot of us. We are amazing! Most importantly, we are people with lives, feelings and beating hearts. We certainly do not want to feel used, undervalued or mistreated. Boy oh boy, we will put up with a lot of crap until it’s time to get a move on!
Not all women are cut from the same cloth. We also pull from our life experiences and our current situations. Our martial status, although important to some, does not solely define who we are. There is more to us than that. Our maturity level (not age FYI), values, belief structure, intelligence, beauty, health, healthy choices, not so healthy choices, how we love, and who we love.
We also may approach dating differently. There is no exact science to dating. You can’t explain chemistry between two people. Either it’s there or it’s not. When it’s there, it doesn’t mean it’s always right. For some of us our ability to trust may take a little longer than others and we may have different end goals in mind. The one common thread is we should not settle for someone who is undeserving of us. Of course, some women just want to play these days or are content being single. However, a majority of the single women I know, would like to find a good, solid partner to walk with through life.
It begs the question, why do women settle into unhealthy dating situations or relationships? We sometimes throw our rationality out the window when we meet someone who sparks our fancy. I can’t tell you how many incredible women I know, well educated, street smart, amazing on every level, beautiful inside and out, whose smarts go straight out the window when they like a man. Some of us are just wired to compromise and expect so little in return. That needs to stop!!
How many of us are guilty of giving someone the benefit of the doubt and chance after chance, after chance, after chance? Maybe he will wake up one morning, a light bulb will go off, and he’ll realize how great we are together. Blah, blah, blah. Because as we all know, that always works out. I want to slap myself to snap out of it!
If a man is not in the same place as you or you have to ask (or beg) for his attention versus him being willing to offer it, it’s not the right situation. What are you hoping will happen? He will change his mind and feel that you are finally worthy? Please. Where does that leave you? You deserve more! Have you ever thought, maybe he knows you deserve more, is unable to deliver, and you are the one settling for him? Letting him go, in the long run, is best for both of you.
If a man doesn’t make you feel wanted, appreciated, respected, sexy, or show that he is into you, NEXT! There are more fish in the sea (Sheesh! I sound like my uncle but he’s right). You just have to be open to it. The minute you let go of the negative and start believing in yourself again, doors and windows will open.
I read a vast amount of articles and blogs on what women should expect from her man/partner, what she should give back, what the red flags are, etc. But let’s face it, no matter how smart we are, we are a little bit stupid when it comes to men. Especially when we are crazy attracted, feel a deep connection (one sided or not) or think we are in loooove. Hell, I’m guilty of it.
Below are five things women should keep in mind when meeting someone new or starting out in a new relationship:
1. Expect more for yourself.
When a man likes you, he will make it known. If you feel you are not a priority, you’re probably right. Life is busy, we all have obligations and a lot going on. But if you are the one more willing to drop everything for him and he is less likely (or not at all) to go out of his way for you, think about that. He may not be a bad guy, but that doesn’t mean he is the right guy for you.
2. Listen to your gut.
If you feel like he is insincere, and you’ll know if he is or not, believe me you will know, don’t dismiss it. You can kid yourself all you want and make up all the excuses you want for him. There comes a time when excuses are just that. You should NOT waste your time on someone who is dishonest. Where do you go from there? You can forgive, but can you forget? It’s best to cut ties and move on. If they don’t respect you enough to be honest with you, why give them your precious time and energy?
3. Be aware of the type of men you choose to date.
Do you find yourself in one bad situation after another? If you start to see a pattern of choosing unavailable men take the time to assess why. Do you choose men with bad judgement, bad boys who refuse to be tamed? Have you dated a string of recently divorced men who just want to plow through as many women as possible without a care in the world? Or do you choose untrustworthy men who lie to you to “protect your feelings?” Hopefully, it’s not all of the above. It’s time to change your approach if that is the case! It’s up to you to break that pattern so break it!
4. Get over your past insecurities.
Even the most beautiful women get dumped and hurt. No one is immune. Remember who you are and what you bring to the table and don’t let anyone make you feel less. Know you deserve so much more! You are unique, lovely and worthy. Be good to yourself. Be positive that good things are coming, meditate to clear your head of all the negativity, or do whatever it is you need to do to find inner peace. It’s easier said than done but the upside and truth are that it can be done. You can do it!
5. Don’t feel pressure because you are getting older and are single.
Your mindset is what matters. Age is just a number. Maturity, values, and your approach to life are far more important. Maybe marriage is not in the cards for you. So what! Enjoy your life. Get off your tuckus and do things that you enjoy: join a meetup club, travel, get involved in cultural things, get outside, take up a new hobby, whatever it takes. If a relationship is what you want, do what makes you happy and you will attract like-minded individuals. The trick is to open your heart and not close it off.
Now go get ’em Tigress!