Dating 101

“Let’s face it: a date is a job-interview that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews are there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it.”
— Jerry Seinfeld

“I’ve been on so many blind dates; I should get a free dog.”
— Wendy Leibman

“Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”
— Rita Rudner

For some dating is easy, for some it’s a sport, and for others, it’s the worst thing ever invented. In my case, a root canal is more enjoyable. Regardless of your and my experiences, dating is a part of life.

Some people have a knack for dating. They master at flirting, know how to control the situation, and close the deal depending on their end goal. Then there are the rest of us. Those of us who still cannot figure out the dating dynamic regardless of how many years of experience we have under our belts. The good thing is that we keep on trying, and we do succeed from time to time. It is sweet how we brush ourselves off and get back on that horse, so to speak, time and time again. For the past 10 years, I started, stopped, started again, and…, you get the gist, to write a book about dating. I have pages and pages of research, interviews from men and women, and a smorgasbord of personal experiences to pull from. I’m not an expert, but I should have at least three free dogs by now. The information I gathered is strictly observational and chock-full of cautionary tales. I’ve found that the success stories are inspiring, but most stories I’ve come across are absurd situations that make you want to scratch your head in disbelief.

When you step out on a first date it is best to show your lighthearted, fun and easy side and try not to air all your dirty laundry. If you continue to date, then you both will start to share your true selves little by little. The biggest disconnect I’ve seen between women and men when they first meet or start dating is that they completely misread each other. Their level of interest is different, timing is off, one just wants to play while the other is looking for something more, chemistry is just not there, or desperation from one causes the other to run for the hills. Dating is a way to help you figure out if you are on the same page, is there interest there, and you can handle him or her driving you crazy for the next chapter/s in your life.

When I transcribed these stories, I uncovered that we women do not always think rational when it comes to men. Agree or disagree, when a woman goes on a first date she may not listen to that tiny voice in her head, those pangs coming from her gut, and the words coming out of his mouth. Ladies, I’m sorry but when a man tells you he has no desire for a commitment right out of the gate, he has no desire for a commitment. Kid yourself all you want. That does not mean he will not change his mind, but that also does not mean you will change it for him. Many women continue to date men who are a challenge because they think once he realizes how wonderful, good-hearted, nurturing, flexible (in both senses of the word), sexy, fun, and what a fantastic catch she is that he will come around. I write this as I sip my cup of coffee and smell it too. Hello, Ladies! If that works for you, great — but does that work for you? I think we try too hard from time to time, for whatever reason, whether it is out of loneliness, the need for a project, the desire for a connection, or out of sheer boredom. The truth is a man will only change if he chooses to change. If a man is content with who he is, do not try to make him into someone he is not. If you want to change him, you should figure out for yourself why you would want to take on that challenge. When a man wants you in his life, he will make it happen. Sometimes the wrong ones are the ones that come on strong. It happens, but the happy medium is out there. I sincerely hope so because otherwise all my years, and I mean years, of dating experiences, have been a complete and utter waste of time. All kidding aside, well sort of, there could be a number of reasons why a man shows no interest in you. He could be scared to death of commitment, he is not ready for someone like you, he is married, his focus is on something or someone else, or you are just not the right one for him. Who the hell knows the reason, and in the big scheme of things, who cares? There is nothing wrong with being optimistic and hoping that one guy will turn around, but learn where to draw the line, cut your losses and move on. If he does not want you and all your “fabulousness,” his loss! This works vice versa for men too. If a woman you like plays games or strings you along, she doesn’t have your best interest at heart. But if you pursue too hard you may scare her off. In a way, these uninterested or overly eager parties are saving you from making a mistake with someone who is not right for you. It would be excellent if every good date was lined in silver and you could make that guy or a gal fall for you. Life isn’t always white picket fences so tear ‘em down and move on.

The book I started has gone through many iterations. I initially approached it as an advice book. However, as I’m not a therapist, I opted for a less preachy approach and focused more on some hilarious, outrageous, sweet, and scary life examples. I may share some excerpts on the blog here and there.

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